First Love by Ivan Sergeyevich Turgenev

Author:Ivan Sergeyevich Turgenev [Turgenev, Ivan Sergeyevich]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Romance, Short Stories
Publisher: Feedbooks
Published: 1860-09-03T05:00:00+00:00

XII

The days passed by. Zinaïda became stranger and stranger, and more and more incomprehensible. One day I went over to her, and saw her sitting in a basket-chair, her head pressed to the sharp edge of the table. She drew herself up … her whole face was wet with tears.

‘Ah, you!’ she said with a cruel smile. ‘Come here.’

I went up to her. She put her hand on my head, and suddenly catching hold of my hair, began pulling it.

‘It hurts me,’ I said at last.

‘Ah! does it? And do you suppose nothing hurts me?’ she replied.

‘Ai!’ she cried suddenly, seeing she had pulled a little tuft of hair out. ‘What have I done? Poor M’sieu Voldemar!’

She carefully smoothed the hair she had torn out, stroked it round her finger, and twisted it into a ring.

‘I shall put your hair in a locket and wear it round my neck,’ she said, while the tears still glittered in her eyes. ‘That will be some small consolation to you, perhaps … and now good-bye.’

I went home, and found an unpleasant state of things there. My mother was having a scene with my father; she was reproaching him with something, while he, as his habit was, maintained a polite and chilly silence, and soon left her. I could not hear what my mother was talking of, and indeed I had no thought to spare for the subject; I only remember that when the interview was over, she sent for me to her room, and referred with great displeasure to the frequent visits I paid the princess, who was, in her words, une femme capable de tout. I kissed her hand (this was what I always did when I wanted to cut short a conversation) and went off to my room. Zinaïda’s tears had completely overwhelmed me; I positively did not know what to think, and was ready to cry myself; I was a child after all, in spite of my sixteen years. I had now given up thinking about Malevsky, though Byelovzorov looked more and more threatening every day, and glared at the wily count like a wolf at a sheep; but I thought of nothing and of no one. I was lost in imaginings, and was always seeking seclusion and solitude. I was particularly fond of the ruined greenhouse. I would climb up on the high wall, and perch myself, and sit there, such an unhappy, lonely, and melancholy youth, that I felt sorry for myself – and how consolatory where those mournful sensations, how I revelled in them!…

One day I was sitting on the wall looking into the distance and listening to the ringing of the bells… . Suddenly something floated up to me – not a breath of wind and not a shiver, but as it were a whiff of fragrance – as it were, a sense of some one’s being near… . I looked down. Below, on the path, in a light greyish gown, with a pink parasol on her shoulder, was Zinaïda, hurrying along.

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